


Answer the Call

by Mattecat



Category: Ghostbusters - All Media Types, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crossover, I am the fakest fan, M/M, Summary is subject to change, based on the 2016 movie bc that's the only ghostbusters movie I've seen lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2018-11-16 06:16:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11248011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mattecat/pseuds/Mattecat
Summary: Lars runs into a former friend after he rents out the space above the Chinese restaurant Lars works at. Also, ghosts?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> what's up every body, welcome to my crossover fic that I wrote for a friend's birthday in 2016 but never finished haha. DEFINITELY GONNA FINISH NOW
> 
> ummmm I really shouldn't be starting a new fic when I've got like 5 others to finish but. I don't care. welcome to unfinished fanfic hell every body

When Lars came into work, there was a pizza delivery car parked outside. He gave it a long stare, wondering why a pizza car was parked at a chinese restaurant, then decided he didn't care and went inside.

As he was punching in, his manager cheerfully informed him, "Hey, Lars! We rented out the space upstairs!"

"I didn't ask," Lars said tiredly.

"Oh, don't be like that. They're still moving in their equipment, so they're going to be going up and down the stairs for a little while longer. You probably won't notice them while you're in the kitchen, but I figured I'd warn you."

"Consider me warned."

While working in the kitchen, Lars heard a few muffled thuds from upstairs, but nothing else. Must be them moving their equipment around. What the hell were these people, anyway? What kind of equipment did they need? What were they doing up there? And why did they have a pizza car?

Around lunchtime, his manager told him to deliver some food upstairs.

"C'mon!" Lars exclaimed. "I'm on my break!"

"Everyone else is busy. It'll take thirty seconds, Lars."

Lars grumbled wordlessly and took the food that was handed to him. With a bag in one hand and a container of soup in the other, he climbed the stairs and kicked the door a few times in lieu of knocking.

"Finally!" Something about the voice sounded familiar, but Lars couldn't place a face to it. He heard a series of locks unlatch, and the door opened to reveal a heavyset person with thick, golden curls of hair. "I live _right above you_ and you _still_ take _forever_ to – _Lars?!_ "

Lars wasted no time in opening the soup container, upending it over Ronaldo's head, and going back downstairs.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, his actions didn't go unpunished. Lars' manager called him over barely ten minutes later, sitting with someone unfamiliar in a booth.

"Sit down," his manager said. "Lars, this is Kiki. Why don't we let her describe what happened."

"Uh, okay," said Kiki, a young woman with black hair pulled back in a ponytail. "He dumped the soup we ordered on my friend."

"Oh, sorry," Lars said. "Sorry you're friends with him, I mean."

"What the hell, Lars," his manager said. "What's going on here?"

Lars shrugged. "I knew the guy a long time ago. Total nutcase. I'm sure you're fine, though," he said to Kiki, who looked thoroughly pissed.

"Okay, I get it," his manager said. "I put you in the kitchen so you wouldn't have to interact with any customers. I should've kept it that way. I'm sorry, Kiki, this won't happen again."

"Well, alright." Kiki stood up, frowning. "I'll... go back up, then."

She shot one last glare at Lars before leaving. His manager sighed and opened his mouth to speak.

Lars spoke first. "You can't keep renting the upstairs to these freaks."

"Goddammit, Lars, get back to work."

"I'm serious! You have no idea what this guy is like, he's completely nuts! I don't know what he told that Kiki girl, but you can't rent this place to him."

"I'll be honest with you," his manager said, "I don't care what you think. Now get back to work, and don't bother me about this again."

Lars grumbled under his breath, but he did as he was told.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to rinse your hair out in the sink or something?" Kiki asked, peering at Ronaldo through her goggles.

"Nah, I'm good." Ronaldo didn't look up from his desk, writing out equations on a piece of paper. Absentmindedly, he ran a hand through his hair, picked out a wonton, and ate it. Kiki scrunched up her nose.

"What's the deal with that guy, anyway?" she asked. "He said he used to know you."

Ronaldo snorted. "We were friends when we were like, twelve. He's just some nobody. He's not worth your brainpower."

Loud laughter came from the door and both Kiki and Ronaldo snapped their heads up in that direction. "Wow," Lars said, wearing a denim jacket over his work uniform. "This is some setup you've got up here!" He gestured around at the crowded workspace, with its various machines and wires running across the floor. "What kind of weird shit are you looking for now? Trying to make first contact?"

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here, Lars," Ronaldo snapped, slamming his hands on his desk and standing up.

Lars blinked, his mouth hanging open for a moment before he could come up with a response. "Oh, so you swear now? Not worried about disappointing your dad anymore?"

Ronaldo jabbed a finger in his direction. "For your information, I don't give a shit about what my dad thinks of me. Now _what are you doing here._ "

"What are you doing here?" Lars repeated in a high-pitched mocking voice. "My shift just ended, I figured I'd make sure you weren't gonna burn down my workplace. Pretty sure all these wires are a fire hazard! So what is all this?"

"We don't have to tell you anything," Kiki said, stepping between the two of them. "Just _get lost._ "

"Oh, I'll tell him," said Ronaldo, stepping around Kiki and closing the distance between him and Lars. "For your information, we are _scientists,_ and we're actually doing something that will _change the world._ What are _you_ doing with your miserable life?"

"Get out of my face, _Ronaldo._ " Lars shoved him away, and Ronaldo nearly shoved him right back if Kiki hadn't grabbed his arm. "You're not a _scientist_. You're just some lunatic. What could you be doing in this shitty lab?"

"It's none of your business," Kiki said, her voice low and dangerous. "Now get out before I tell your manager you're harassing us."

Ronaldo ignored her, yanking his arm out of her grip. " _We_ are proving the existence of _ghosts!_ "

"Okay, Ronaldo, he really didn't need to know that –"

Lars cracked up. "You really are a lunatic!"

"Seriously!" Kiki shouted. "I'll go right down and tell your manager, and then you'll be _fired_ –"

"Alright, cool it," Lars said, holding up his hands. "If you're gonna bring my manager into this, I'll leave you alone. My advice, though?" He gave a pointed look at Kiki. "Ditch this weirdo as soon as you can, he's –"

" _Get out!_ " Kiki and Ronaldo shouted in unison.

"Fine, whatever!"

Lars turned his back to them and was about to leave only for Ronaldo to say, "Wait –" and grab his arm.

"What the hell!" Ronaldo was able to run his finger down the back of Lars' jacket before Lars managed to squirm out of his grip. "What was that for? I thought you wanted me to leave!"

Ronaldo wasn't even looking at him, just staring at the green stuff he had wiped off Lars' jacket. "Where did this stuff come from?" he asked.

"Hell if I know. The bogeyman barfed on me."

"Seriously, Lars!"

"There was stuff on the ceiling by my apartment, some of it must've dripped on me." Lars glared at him. "Now are you gonna let me leave?"

Ronaldo turned away, still staring intently at the slime on his finger. "Kiki, we gotta analyze this!"

Lars rolled his eyes. He was going to go in and see what all the fuss was about, but Kiki shot him a glare and he remembered the threat of telling his manager, so he decided to leave and forget about it.

* * *

There was a pizza car parked in the guest parking at his apartment building. The same pizza car that had been parked outside where he worked. Lars stared at it in horror and disbelief. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe it wasn't _his_ car. Maybe it was just a coincidence and he had an unrelated stalker who _wasn't_ Ronaldo.

Lars inhaled, set his jaw, and stepped inside.

Nope, it was him. Kiki, too, both wearing large backpacks full of god-knows-what. While Ronaldo wandered around the lobby, Kiki looked up and saw Lars standing there.

"Uh, Ronaldo," she said, elbowing Ronaldo's side. "We've got company."

"What kind of compa – oh." Ronaldo looked up from the machine he was holding and grinned. "Hey, Lars!" he said in an entirely too cheery voice.

"What are you _doing_ here!" Lars hissed.

"Looking for ghosts," Ronaldo said before Kiki could get a word in. At the desk, the receptionist looked up from their computer, rolled their eyes, and returned to their business.

"Jesus fucking _Christ,_ Ronaldo!" Lars glanced around to see if any of the other residents were in the lobby. Thankfully, none of them were. "Get out of here!"

"What?" Ronaldo said incredulously. "No! That slime we found on your clothes –"

"It was just some gunk, _god_ –"

"No, it was ectoplasm, theorized to be commonly left behind by ghosts when they pass through solid objects –"

"Listen," Kiki interrupted. "If you can show us where you found the stuff, we'll start investigating there and leave you alone."

"Okay, okay!" Lars threw his hands up in the air. "It was in laundry room. In the basement. Go down there and do whatever it is you're doing, then _leave._ "

"Got it," said Ronaldo. He still seemed overly cheery, unfazed by Lars' hostility. "Kiki, let's –"

"Non-residents aren't allowed in the basement without a resident escorting them," the receptionist said.

"I don't think you understand," said Ronaldo. "See, we are scientists, and this is a _very important_ –"

"I'll escort them," Lars said, rolling his eyes. "Just be quick about this."

* * *

Ronaldo lost some of his cheeriness as he and Kiki descended the basement steps behind Lars, frowning at the device he was holding. It let out a soft beep every few seconds, and Lars was starting to find it annoying. "Can you turn that thing off?" he said.

"Uh, no? Do you have any idea what this thing is?"

"No, and I don't care. Turn it off."

"This is what will make it possible to detect any signs of paramortal activity," Ronaldo said, clearly annoyed. "We literally can't do anything here without it. I mean, we could, but it'd be very difficult, and –"

"Fine. Keep it on."

The floor was coated in a thick slime. Lars was prepared for this after the last time he was in the basement, but Ronaldo wasn't, and behind him, Lars heard the sweet, sweet sound of Ronaldo slipping and falling on his ass.

Kiki hurried down the remaining stairs. "Ronaldo, you alright?"

"Yeah, this stuff is everywhere," Lars said casually. "Nobody even comes down here anymore; I bet it's cheaper to do our laundry down the road, anyway."

Ronaldo hadn't gotten up, staring at the viscous substance on his hand. "Oh my god, Kiki," he said. "This is incredible!"

"It's just mold slime or something," Lars said. "Nothing special."

"I don't think mold slime looks like this," Ronaldo said. "This is ectoplasm – and I've never seen this much of in one place before!"

"Holy shit," Kiki said, scooping some of the stuff up with a gloved finger. Lars started to feel uneasy.

"Uh, careful," he said. "If it's mold, it might be toxic or something. I mean, I doubt it, 'cause if it was then the whole building would've been closed down by now, but –"

"Oh no, it's perfectly safe," Ronaldo said, while Kiki swung her backpack off her shoulder and started digging through it. "You could swallow the stuff and be totally fine. Probably, anyway. We've never been able to test large amounts of it, but our analyses haven't shown anything toxic. Though regular analysis doesn't always show some of the paramortal effects, so really –"

"I don't care," Lars interrupted. "Just do what you need to do and let's get out of here."

"Fine," said Ronaldo. "Kiki, you got the camera set, right?"

A sense of dread started creeping up on Lars. "You're talking about a regular camera, right? Not a video camera"

"Yep," Kiki said to Ronaldo, completely ignoring Lars and holding up a video camera. "We're all set to start filming."

Goddammit. "If you're going to be filming this, I'm leaving," Lars said. "Good luck finding the swamp creature or whatever you're doing here."

"It's _ghosts,_ Lars –"

"I don't care!" Lars stormed past him and stomped up the stairs. Behind him, he could hear Ronaldo speaking, presumably to the camera. "Hey, I'm Ronaldo Fryman, as you probably know, and unlike our _last_ several videos –"

Lars twisted the doorknob, eager to get out of there. Funny, he hadn't remembered closing the door.

The door didn't open.

"Alright," he said loudly. "Real funny, _Ronaldo._ Great job locking the door on us."

"What? I didn't lock the door. Shit, we're gonna have to redo the intro –"

"Seriously!" Lars shouted. "I don't care about your video, just unlock the door so I can get out of here!"

Ronaldo and Kiki looked up the stairs at him. "You sure it's locked?" Kiki said.

Lars twisted the doorknob a few more times. "What does this look like to you?"

"Let me try." Lars moved out of the way as Kiki climbed up the stairs holding the camera and tried at the door herself. "This doesn't feel locked," she said, pushing at it with one hand. "More like something's blocked it from the other side. Ronaldo, I need your muscle."

"What muscle? He's –"

"Dude, shut up," Kiki snapped.

Ronaldo had his own go at the door, pushing at it with his whole weight. "I think it's stuck," he said, after about half a minute of no results.

"We'll have to wait for the receptionist to come looking for us," Kiki said.

"Fuck that." Lars pulled out his phone. "I'll just text – oh come on!"

"What?" Ronaldo said.

"There's no fucking reception!" Lars jabbed at his phone. "It's never done this here before, what the hell is going on?"

Ronaldo's eyes lit up. "Kiki! Are you still filming?"

"Uh, yeah!"

"How can you be thinking of filming at a time like this?!" Lars shouted.

"I left the PKE meter downstairs, give me a sec!" Ronaldo ran down the stairs so fast he slipped on the slime again. After picking himself off the ground, he shouted – "Kiki, come look at this!"

Kiki rushed downstairs, and Lars followed, still trying to get his phone to work. The device Ronaldo had been using was making a strange whirring sound, and the curved neon lights on it were spinning rapidly.

"I've never seen it do this before," Kiki said in wonder.

"I didn't even know it _could_ do this," Ronaldo said. "Do you know what this means?"

"I'm trapped in a basement with two freaks?"

"Shut up, Lars!"

Lars spotted light out of the corner of his eye. Something was glowing in the corner by the dryers. With nothing better to do, he ignored whatever Ronaldo was saying to Kiki and walked over.

"What this means is that our research is about to be proven! We've finally done it, Kiki! We've –"

"Uh, guys? You might want to check this out?"

"Dammit, Lars, stop interrupting!"

"No, seriously! This is important!"

Ronaldo rolled his eyes and gestured for Kiki to follow him as he walked over to where Lars was. "Alright, fine. I don't know what could possibly be more important than proving the existence of ghosts, but…"

He trailed off, his mouth hanging open. Kiki gasped and did a quick check to make sure the camera was still filming.

In front of Lars, hovering over the dryers, was a green, spectral figure, in the shape of a human in an intricately patterned ballgown. The figure had long, curly hair that moved softly in the air, and thin lips that were pressed into a neutral expression. The figure's eyes slowly scanned the room, going from Lars, to Kiki, to Ronaldo, then back again.

"Holy shit," Lars whispered. "You're filming this, right?"

"The hell do you take me for, Lars?" Ronaldo whispered back.

"No comment."

The ghost's eyes fell on Lars, and, slowly, they began to move, hovering forward and down from the dryers. Lars took a step back.

"I think they're trying to make contact!" Ronaldo said in a loud whisper. "Lars, try saying something!"

"Like what?" The ghost had stopped, and was now hovering directly in front of Lars, staring at him with ethereal eyes.

"Something! Anything!"

"Okay…" Lars swallowed hard. "Uh, hi –"

The ghost barfed all over him.

It happened too fast for Lars to react. The moment the ghost opened their mouth, a stream of ectoplasm came gushing out, and Lars was completely covered in it. It lasted for a good thirty seconds, and when it was over, Lars was left sputtering and trying to get the stuff out of his eyes.

"They're moving!" Kiki shouted. Lars wiped his eyes and looked up, only to see the ghost shooting through the ceiling, sending another splash of ectoplasm down on him.

"Holy _shit!_ " Ronaldo shouted. "They're real! I mean, I knew they were real, but now they're _really_ real! Lars, ghosts are real!"

Lars was still trying to scrape the ectoplasm off his face when Ronaldo scooped him up from behind in a hug. "Gah!" Lars yelped. "Dude, you're gonna get this stuff all over you, too!"

"I already fell in it, like, five times, no biggie."

"Jesus, Ronaldo, you only fell twice."

Ronaldo put him down. Lars turned around to see him grinning broadly. "Remember when we were kids?" he said. "I've been waiting for this day for ages! We've finally –"

"Yeah, uh, I've gotta…" Lars gestured vaguely over his shoulder. "Take a shower. Get this stuff off me. I have work tomorrow, you know…"

"Oh, right!" Ronaldo turned to Kiki. "Alright, let's pack up. We can review the data when we get back to the lab. See you tomorrow, Lars!"

"See you then," Lars said weakly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and next up on my list of wips to slowly chip away at is this one! have fun!
> 
> comments are very much appreciated, thanks

Lars almost called in sick the next day. Almost.

He needed the money, though, so he decided to tough it out. He could stand a couple awkward conversations with Ronaldo. Probably.

Damn, though… he saw a ghost. A real, live – well, no, not live, but a _real ghost._ Whatever Ronaldo had been doing in the years since they'd last seen each other, it had paid off.

Lars clocked in and headed to the kitchen, walking past his manager. He had hoped to avoid a conversation with him, but his manager, apparently, had other ideas.

"Hey, Lars," he said. "What were you up to last night?"

Lars mumbled something incomprehensible to even himself and tried to slink away.

"Alright, sorry for asking." His manager laughed. "The people upstairs asked me if you could stop by after your shift. Something about monitoring effects or symptoms, something like that. Did you come down with something?"

"No," said Lars. "I mean, they said it would be fine. It's not contagious or anything."

"Man, Lars, what'd you get yourself into?"

If only Lars knew the answer to that himself.

* * *

After his shift, Lars mentally braced himself and went upstairs to Ronaldo's lab. The door was answered after the first knock.

"Awesome, you're here!" Ronaldo beamed at him. "Okay, now don't be alarmed, but you remember how we said that we're pretty sure ectoplasm is safe? Well, we'd like to monitor you in case any adverse effects start showing up. I mean, there's the obvious paranormal source, so we can't be positive that our tests are entirely accurate –"

"Why are you doing this?" Lars interrupted.

"What? So you don't die of ghost disease, duh –"

"No! I mean –" Lars waved his hand in the air between them. "This! We can't go back to what we had before, you know that, right?"

Ronaldo's smile fell from his face. "Yeah, I know," he said. "But that was when we were kids. We're adults now, we can have something better."

Lars rolled his eyes. "I don't care what sort of shit you believe in, things aren't going to magically change overnight."

"We saw a ghost last night, Lars!" Ronaldo exclaimed. "The two of us! Together!"

"Also, me," Kiki spoke up from behind him. "I was there too, you know."

"Right. Sorry, Kiki, it's just –"

"You two have history, yeah, I know." Kiki appeared in the doorway and leaned on the frame. "Look," she said. "I don't know what went on between you, but I do know that something has, in fact, changed overnight. I mean, come on, Lars, you went from being a complete asshole to having a civil conversation."

"Trust me," Ronaldo said. "He's still an asshole."

"Wow, thanks," Lars said sarcastically.

"...anyway," Kiki continued, "you're both missing the bigger picture."

"Which is what?" Lars said.

"Lars, you've got to get in here so we can make sure you're not dying of ghost disease."

Lars groaned. "Alright, fine. Just don't run any weird experiments on me."

"Literally everything we do here is a weird experiment," Ronaldo said.

"…goddammit."

* * *

They ended up clearing a bunch of junk off one of the desks, sitting Lars down on it, and sticking a bunch of electrodes to Lars' chest that were hooked up to a machine. "The hell are you even testing for?" Lars grumbled, crossing his arms over his bare chest.

"Right now we're just checking your vitals," Kiki said, bending over a computer. "I'm not expecting to find anything bad. Like we said, we're pretty sure this stuff is safe. We even ran a bunch of tests on it last night. It's really interesting, actually. You might be able to breathe the stuff. I mean, it'd hurt like all hell, 'cause our lungs aren't designed for liquid, but you wouldn't drown in it."

"Great," Lars said tiredly. "So what're you gonna do after this?"

"Well," Ronaldo said, walking over with a stack of papers in his arms. "We need to start advertising our services. This was our first real ghost, but there's tons of paramortal stuff out there – and who're they gonna call?"

"The police?"

Ronaldo snorted. "The police don't do shit, especially not when it comes to paranormal. Kiki's got some really cool prototypes we've been testing – soon, we might even be able to capture a ghost for study!"

Kiki laughed. "Don't get too excited," she said. "It's gonna take a lot more testing, especially with the new information we have. I designed them back before we saw a real ghost, remember?"

"Anyway!" Ronaldo dropped the papers onto the desk, next to Lars. "We've already got some flyers up, but the more the better, right? We don't have much of an advertising budget. Or, uh, any budget."

A thought occurred to Lars. "How are you getting funded?" he asked. "I mean, sure, this rent is cheap, but it's still a couple hundred a month. Do you, like, work two jobs or something?"

Ronaldo coughed and averted his gaze. "We, uh… kind of?"

Lars stared at him. Ronaldo's face was slowly turning red, while Lars' mind was going to all the darkest possibilities. He opened his mouth to say something, but Ronaldo interrupted.

"I sell some ebooks online," he mumbled. "It pays the bills."

"Oh," Lars said, almost disappointed. "That's not too bad. I was expecting something way worse."

Kiki started snickering. "You don't know the half of it."

Ronaldo's cheeks were thoroughly red now. Lars frowned. "There's something you're not telling me, isn't there?" he said.

"It's not that bad," Ronaldo said, still avoiding his eyes. "It's just… embarrassing."

"It's not like you write porn or anything, right?"

Kiki burst out laughing. Ronaldo covered his face. Lars took a moment to process this, then said, "Goddammit, it's exactly that, isn't it. You're writing porn books."

"It pays the bills!" Ronaldo snapped. "Besides, it's not like it has to be _good_. I can write some garbage about –"

He cut himself off just in time. Lars grinned. "Garbage about what?"

"Nothing!"

"C'mon, Ronaldo, we're like, best friends again, right?"

Ronaldo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, I'm not super comfortable with showing my best friend my erotica."

Kiki was barely keeping herself together, on the verge of uncontrollable laughter. "I can tell you his pen name," she said. "You can go look it up for yourself!"

" _Don't you dare, Kiki –_ "

There was a knock on the door. The three of them started.

"Who's that?" Lars said in alarm.

"Shit," Ronaldo said. "Lars, put your shirt on. Kiki, the guy we're interviewing is here."

"What?" Kiki exclaimed. "I thought we weren't gonna hire a receptionist!"

"We need one! What if someone calls while we're out hunting ghosts? We've gotta have someone who can take a message!"

"Ronaldo, your niche erotica doesn't sell enough for us to afford anyone! Let's just stick to voicemail!"

While the two of them were arguing, Lars decided to go answer the door.

"Hey," he said, opening it. "Welcome to…"

He trailed off.

Standing in front of him was probably the hottest guy he had ever seen. Tall, handsome, wearing a leather jacket, typing on his phone like he didn't even care that the door had been answered, he barely spared Lars a glance as he spoke.

"The name's Kevin," he said. "I'm here about the job."

"Right," Lars said. "The job. You're hired!" He suddenly realized that he still wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Lars!" Ronaldo quickly pulled Lars back, tossed his shirt at him, and grinned sheepishly at Kevin. "Hey, I'm Ronaldo, I called you earlier to set up the interview. Why don't you come in?"

Kevin didn't look up from his phone as he followed Ronaldo inside, to one of the desks that was mostly clear of papers and devices. Kiki rolled her eyes at Lars as Kevin and Ronaldo passed her, then gestured for him to come over to sit at the desk with them.

"So!" Ronaldo said, Kevin sitting across from the three of them. "Can you tell me about yourself?"

Kevin finally looked up, looking at Ronaldo with raised eyebrows. "I'm Kevin," he said, as if that was all they needed to know.

"Right," said Kiki. "We're not from the area, so! You're gonna have to give us some more detail."

Lars nodded, unsure of what he was supposed to be doing here.

"For example," Ronaldo said. "Your, uh, work experience. You didn't say much about it in our earlier talk, so…"

"I've got experience," said Kevin, going back to his phone. "All kinds of experience. Look, we both know that nobody else is gonna apply for this, so just hire me and get it over with."

"You don't know that," Kiki said indignantly.

"Yeah," Kevin said. "I do."

"Well," Ronaldo said, " _after_  the interview, I can call you back in a few days, and –"

Kevin looked around. "So where's my desk?"

Ronaldo glanced helplessly at Kiki.

"Give us a few minutes," Kiki said. "We've gotta huddle about this."

"Sure, whatever."

Lars, Ronaldo, and Kiki all got up and went to the other side of the room, while Kevin stared at his phone. "We can't hire him," Kiki said immediately. "First off, he's an asshole. Second off, we don't have the money."

"Counterpoint," Lars said, "he's hot as hell."

"Counter-counterpoint, I'm a lesbian."

"I mean, we do need a receptionist," Ronaldo said. "And, uh, he was the only applicant."

"We don't need a receptionist!" Kiki hissed. "Even if we did, we can't afford one! Why is this a discussion?"

"So we hire him as an unpaid intern," Lars said. "That's probably legal."

"He's not gonna buy that," Ronaldo said.

Kevin bought it. "I can put this on my resume, right?" he asked.

"Yes," said Ronaldo. "Absolutely. And, uh, you can start next week."

"Cool." Kevin stood up. "Bye."

While walking out, he passed a young woman with curly blonde hair sitting on the bench by the stairs. "Oh" Ronaldo said. "Uh, ma'am? If you're waiting for takeout, that's downstairs"

The woman looked up from her magazine. "Oh," she said. "Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt your interview, but I didn't really know where to sit – I'm not here for the food."

"Good," said Lars, "the food here sucks."

"Aren't you one of the cooks?" Kiki said.

Ronaldo frowned. "So you're here because…"

She laughed nervously. "Well, I saw your flyers, and… I saw a ghost."

* * *

Sadie worked at a donut shop. She had been working late after cleaning up took longer than expected, and once the manager let her go home, it was way after dark.

"I usually take the subway home," she said, "but the trains weren't running. I figured, well, that's fine, I don't live _that_  far away. It'll just be a long walk, at night, in the city."

Her phone gave her the directions, and she followed them through a alley. "Probably not the smartest idea," she said with a laugh, "but, y'know, I kinda just wanted to get home. It's a pretty safe part of the city, so I don't really worry about getting jumped. Funny story, one time I –"

"Focus!" Ronaldo interrupts. "Ghost!"

Sadie blinks. "Right. There was a ghost in the alley. All spooky and green and glowing. I threw a brick at it and it went right through, so I'm pretty sure it was definitely a ghost."

"Yeah," said Kiki, "that's one way to confirm."

"What if it was a hologram?" Lars said.

"I really doubt that," said Sadie.

"Whatever it was," Ronaldo said loudly, "we're going to check it out. Kiki, Lars, let's get packed up and ready to go."

"Weren't you going to make sure I didn't die of ghost disease?" Lars asked.

"I checked your vitals and you're fine."

"I have a job, you know. It's not this."

"Are you coming with us or not?" Kiki asked.

Lars thought about it for a second. "Sure," he said. "Let's go."

* * *

"Over here," Sadie said, pointing down a alley. "I'm pretty sure this is where I was."

Even in daylight, the alley was hidden in shadow. Lars squinted at it while Ronaldo and Kiki hauled the equipment out of the pizza delivery car. "I don't see anything there now," he said.

Sadie frowned. "I dunno, maybe it only comes out at night?"

"Well," Ronaldo said, hefting up a hunk of machinery and strapping it onto his back, "I'm perfectly willing to wait as long as we need to. Science is serious business, and if we have to be here all night –"

"I'm not waiting here all night," Lars said.

"You can go home, Lars."

"I'm not waiting here all night, either," Kiki said. "Also, you shouldn't be wearing that."

Lars examined the thing Ronaldo was wearing. It was attached to a rack of equipment and had a heavy nozzle. "What is it?" he asked.

"Only the latest in paramortal technology," Ronaldo said.

Kiki rolled her eyes. "It's highly experimental, and we probably shouldn't have brought it, because there's a decent chance he'll die instantly if he –"

Ronaldo turned it on.

"– turns it on _holy shit Ronaldo_  –"

"What?" said Ronaldo, while the device on his back hummed and crackled. "I'm not dead!"

"Uh," Sadie said, "cool. So… what's your plan, here?"

"An excellent question!" Ronaldo said, turning to Sadie. "We're going to find this ghost and capture it for research! I mean, we haven't tested this equipment yet, but there's really no reason it wouldn't work –"

"There's a thousand reasons it wouldn't work," Kiki said. "I told you, I had never seen a real ghost before yesterday! I had to rewrite a dozen hypotheses after half of them got disproved, and then I was so busy testing the ectoplasm that I barely managed to get the device you're wearing anywhere close to ready!"

Sadie frowned. "You know, I kind of assumed you had done this before."

"Don't worry," said Lars. "We've got this."

"Are you sure?"

"God, no."

Ronaldo took out the PKE meter. "I'm not getting much of a reading," he muttered. "You sure this is where it happened?"

Sadie sucked in air through her teeth. "Now that you mention it, it was pretty dark… I mean, this is definitely the general area, I know that much…"

"Don't worry about it," Kiki said quickly. "We've got time, and we've got the PKE meter. Ronaldo, see if there's a better reading in a different alley."

"Got it."

Ronaldo walked away. Lars tried to follow him, only for Kiki to stop him. "You take this," she said, putting another PKE meter into his hands. "Go that way. We have a higher chance of finding this ghost if we split up."

"You know," Lars said, "horror movies have ghosts in them."

"…yes? Don't really see how that's relevant."

"When people split up in horror movies, they die."

Kiki rolled her eyes. "It's broad daylight and you're going like, less than a hundred feet away. Now get moving."

"Alright, alright! I'm not writing you in my will if I die!"

Lars left the alley, leaving Kiki to talk to Sadie. It was time to find this ghost.


End file.
